evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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