Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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