if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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