Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
