so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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