Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is wine microwaveable?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize