You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
