It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
