SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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