Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
