please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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