Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
