idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
