I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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