So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize