So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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