I need help removing her.
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
