No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize