from now on my penis is your penis
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I said "one day" and that day is not today
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
