My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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