I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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