Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
