u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My balls are so social today.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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