like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
