I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
