do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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