TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize