Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
