i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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