I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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