Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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