you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
