I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
