if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
there's paper in my vomit.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm just crazy horny about you
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
