Michael Bay diarrhea
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we're so committed to being not committed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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