she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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