Soap is not a condiment
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
