please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
