hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
