She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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