Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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