I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
