I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
