If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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