Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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