We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
