Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
