super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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