I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
