another moral hangover. fuck.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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