He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
