Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize