I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh god it's open bar.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
