i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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