im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize