i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Drunk is not a location!
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