i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
