I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize