We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize