dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She bit a glass in half.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
