So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
