We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
