So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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