why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
