i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
