i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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