I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
