please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
