I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
