Tell her she can't have a vagina
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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