so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
