Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
